Is It Normal To Have Doubts About Moving In Together?

Question: My boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together, but I’m feeling nervous. Are doubts a sign that something’s wrong?

Alan’s Advice: It’s perfectly okay to feel nervous about moving in together—it’s a big step with big-time implications. And the reality is that living together may not be the right choice for you.

Here’s something you need to know: Multiple studies show that couples who live together before marriage are actually more likely to divorce later on. For example, a study found that 34% of couples who moved in before engagement ended up splitting, compared to just 23% of those who waited until after engagement or marriage.

This is part of what experts call the “cohabitation effect. ” This means that couples who move in together before they’re engaged or married tend to break up more often and feel less satisfied in their relationships. It’s probably because living together can make it easy to just drift into a commitment, instead of making a clear, intentional choice to stay together.

If you’re feeling uneasy, that’s your intuition nudging you to hit pause and talk things through. Don’t let the pressure from your bf of “everyone’s doing it” push you faster than you’re comfortable.

Start with an honest conversation about your timelines, your definitions of commitment, and what you both want long-term.

If he’s wanting you to move in and live together as a committed couple, then why not go ahead and get married? Or is he just wanting the benefits without the ring? 🤔

If moving in feels rushed, unclear, or more like an escape hatch, that’s a sure sign you need to slow down. Maybe it’s old-fashioned, but people used to say that unmarried couples who lived together were “living in sin.”

Think long-term about what can set you up for a stronger relationship foundation. Your instincts are right: being intentional beats going with the flow every time.