How Do I Know If My Relationship Is Healthy?

Question: I’ve never seen a really great relationship up close. What are some signs that my relationship is on the right track?

Alan’s Advice: Great question! If you’ve never seen a healthy relationship, it totally can be hard to know what to look for.

So what are the basics? You feel safe, respected, and valued for who you are. You both talk honestly—even about hard things. You trust each other, and there’s no sneaking around or playing games.

Fights will happen (but if he gets physically rough, run the other way!). In a healthy relationship, arguments don’t get mean or ugly. You both try to work things out, not tear each other down.

And each person learning to say “I’m sorry” goes a reeeaaalllly long way in showing you’re willing to admit it when you’re wrong.

No one should make you feel small, scared, or unsure about the relationship. Controlling, jealous, or manipulative behavior is a BIG red flag.

The best relationships? Both people give, and both try to show real love—even in the little things. Real love isn’t just a feeling; it’s choosing to put the other person first and looking for practical ways to serve each other. 💛

At the end of the day, you should feel better about yourself with this person in your life—not worse. If you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself, or you’re always on edge, that’s not healthy, and it may be time to move on.

Healthy relationships aren’t perfect. But they should bring out the best in both people. Listen to your gut if something seems wrong—it’s usually spot on.